Wednesday, August 13, 2008

My so-called life

Well, things continue to be in limbo around here. We are still waiting on information from the IRS concerning our Social Security status. We cannot be appointed by the IMB until it is all cleared up, so we need this to be taken care of. Also, as of Sunday, Ian is no longer employed by East Bayou. They are going to keep us on the payroll for another 6 weeks (PTL) but after that we are on our own until we get picked up by the IMB in December, that's IF everything goes well with the IRS. So, we are trying to sell our house, get rid of at least one car  and try to keep things as "normal" as possible for the children. What we do know-1) The Lord has called us away 2)His ways are higher and everything will come together in His timing-not ours, and 3)we have parents who won't let us starve or be homeless.  In the mean time we are planning trips to ATL (yeah!!!) and New Orleans and a few places in between. 
I am just feeling weird- you know, like I don't really belong anywhere. It would not be good for us to continue going to East Bayou when Ian isn't on staff anymore and they are trying to transition in some new staff. BUT we still live here. So my emotions are all over the place. It's like I am here, but emotionally I am already gone. Make sense? Prob. not. I am sure my few friends think I am being weird to them, but I just have feelings all over the place and I am trying to work them out. Anyway -just keep praying that we can sell our sweet house. We love it and hate to leave it but you know this what what God is doing in our lives, so we obey.
Here is our house....

ATL friends don't be shocked by the size of this house. Most people here live in houses this size-they would think that your houses are MANSIONS!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

The fight of my life

Anybody else feel like FOOD is the enemy. Well, I do. I have struggled with food my entire adult life and I am determined, with God's help, to win this time. It is hard for me to even put this in writing because then everyone knows... I can't hide anymore! Like most girls, I was at a really good weight and size when I got married. Then I got "settled in" and stopped thinking about what was going in to my mouth. And let me tell you EVERYTHING was going in my mouth! So I put on some weight. Lost weight again around graduation time and I was very satisfied with where I was on the scale. We moved to ATL and then I put on weight again...Got pregnant with Bianca-SURPRISE! I gained more weight. I weighed 234 the day I delivered Bianca- I had gained almost 50 lbs. YIKES. I never really lost more than about 25 lbs. after I had her and then I got pregnant with the twins. I gained the 25 back and only 5 more with this pregnancy. So that put me at about 240 when had the twins. Even at almost 6 feet tall, 240 lbs. is a lot for me to carry.  So since I have had the babies things have just been up and down. I can am back in a size 16 and I hate it. I feel like crap. I know a lot of girls where a size 16 and that is fine if you are ok with it. I am just not! I used to try to fool myself into thinking that I was ok with myself but that is just a lie. A size 16 is not my best. Really a size 14 isn't my best, a good starting point, but not my best. I don't know what size is my best- I don't think I've been there in a long time. I just know that I need to be respectful of the body that the Lord has given me and take care of it. I know just to be healthier and to be able to play outside with my kids without getting winded I need to drop at least 30 lbs. So, I am back on Weight Watchers (it has worked for me before) and I am just praying my way through the day at this point.  This is a stressful time in our lives and may not be the best time to try to loose weight but is there ever really a good time? I have also been told that I may have a hard time finding clothes in Spain, not many 6 feet tall women in Spain -so let's not complicate it with any extra weight. Ok, so there it is...I am fighting I will be victorious. The Lord will bless my efforts to be healthy and confident.